Night out

It's 3 A.M. The moon is bright, the house is cold, and I can't sleep. Those Redbulls I chugged earlier probably have something to do with that. I lay in bed motionless, My arms and legs spread out. I haven't even bothered to change into my pajamas. I stare at the ceiling, my mind somehow quiet and empty. No, it wasn't just my mind. Everything was quiet. The neighborhood outside, The house, and my room were all so damn quiet. I could almost hear my own heartbeat. ....Well, who cares if I lose a little sleep? Christmas just passed, and winter break is in full swing. Not that I cared much for Christmas anyway. Dad gave up with presents a long time ago, and just hands me a 100 dollar bill every year. I used to wish he paid more attention, but I simply followed his footsteps and gave up on that too. I get up from my bed, the fluffs and folds making more noise than I expected, and stare out my window. The snow from a few days ago was nearly gone. No one was outside (surprise surprise), So I don't have to worry about being seen. I'm not sure if a hoodie, jeans, and sneakers are enough for midnight winter, but I don't feel like changing, so it'll have to do. [[Escape.]] [[Check on dad before leaving.]]

Something felt off, usually I could hear dad snoring most nights. But today, it was suspiciously quiet. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to go check on him. I leave my room and walk down the hallway. The door to his room is open, yet he isn't in there. All I can make out in the darkness is a large bed, neatly made. I'm not sure why I checked here, he rarely ever sleeps in here anymore. I guess it's because the bed still smells like her. [[Check the living room.]]

I open the window, a blast of cold air sweeping into my room. I sit on the windowsill and hop off. The grass made a squelching noise as I land, still absorbing all the melting snow. I close the window. That was easy. The lawn makes squelch after squelch as I walk across it. All I know is that I'll have to clean my sneakers after this. I reach the sidewalk and freeze. In both senses, damn it's cold. But now that I'm out, where do I go? I hadn't really thought this far. [[Go to a convenience store.]] [[Walk to an emptier part of town.]]

I walk across the hallway again and of course, he's there on the couch. It seems he's just positioned in a way that prevents snoring. That's one less thing to worry about. .....I can't help but feel bad for him, like always. He hasn't shaved his beard in a long time, and he's starting to show signs of balding. He stopped caring about decorum and just walks around all day in sweats, and not to mention the beer, Jesus Christ. Every day he goes through bottle after bottle, as if he were being seduced by them. There's no way he isn't psychologically damaged at this point, and he's only 37. Are those brief moments of calm worth it? Even if it means losing yourself like this? I unclench my fists. I'm not going to be angry about this. Not anymore. I walk back to my room. Even if I could go out the front door, I don't feel like risking it. [[Escape.]]

I start walking down the road that leads to all the corner shops. I could do with a snack. I don't think I've eaten much today. It always feels so "attention-seeker" of me to admit that I forget to eat sometimes. I don't mean it in a "wow I'm so skinny!" kind of way, but more of a "I forgot to care about my body" kind of way. Whatever. Tonight seems...serene. The streetlights all line up to spotfully illuminate the roads, the trees rustle with slight wind, the clouds above hide the brilliant stars. Not to mention, it's quiet. Oh so quiet. I love it. It makes me wonder why we strive to make the world such a louder, busier place, with light pollution shooing away the night sky, and cars drowning out the sounds of the forest and rivers. I wish I was a caveman. Then I could experience this every day....but then I wouldn't have my bed, so nevermind. [[Continue.]]

I pick up my feet and simply start walking. No goal in sight, No places to go. Maybe if I walk for long enough, I'll pass out on the side of the road and get some sleep. As I walk, my footsteps against the hard sidewalk are the only thing that makes noise, alongside the gentle rustling of the pine trees that surround my neighborhood, and the small winds that breeze past me, playing with the windchimes in nearby houses. No one is awake at this hour, at least not in my town. All the houses seem desolate and empty with all their windows pitch black from darkness. The only lights awake now are porch lights amd street lamps. It feels pointless to me however. Why do we pay so much money in taxes to keep these lights on if no ones awake at this time? Well, no one except me. I continue along my aimless path, as houses begin to grow less frequent, trees and fields taking their place. My mind runs cycles of empty thoughts. So much nothingness cramped into my head, it confuses me whether I'm actually thinking or not. I mean, what even is there to think about? The only exciting thing happening soon is New Years I guess, but I don't really have anyone to celebrate it with. I could stress and think about all my missing work from school, but I gave up on school a long time ago. Maybe I should think about how my life is an unproductive mess, but I'm just a teenager, I should be spending my time doing stupid shit like walking around on the streets in the middle of the night. As I turmoil over all the nothingness I've done, I suddenly find myself at a split path. I must have walked out of town, because the only thing around now is pure forest and field. Except, an old church lies right across the road. My parents weren't big church people, but we did go in most sundays and easters. I don't have much memories of it though, considering the church was closed by the time I turned 8. Yet it stands there, Its doors missing and its walls covered in vines and shrubs. As I look at its features, something in the horizon catches my eye. The town's watertower. Ever since I was a kid, I had this weird dream to climb it and jump off the top to fly like a bird. Obviously that would get me killed now, but it still does have a ladder... [[Go into the church.]] [[Visit the water tower.]]

**FWOOM* The car swooping past me made me a bit startled. I forgot people are still awake at this time of day. I've always wondered who they are, and where they might be going. Nurses getting off work? Church people leaving vigils? Someone rushing to the hospital? .......I hope not. By the time I reach the convenience store, my legs were starting to get sore. Oddly enough, there was only one car in the parking lot. Probably the graveyard-shift employee's. There were usually more, from either homeless guys or drug dealers. Maybe it's because people were spending time with their families? Ah, who cares. [[Head inside.]]

The familiar *ding-dong* of door is the only thing that makes sound in the store alongside...a machine? There's an odd rumbling sound coming from the... Oh...the cash register guy is asleep. Lucky him. The snoring is kinda pissing me off though. I continue on, forced to listen to the lawn-mower snores of this man, and look on what to buy. Rows of candy, chips, sodas, and pastries are lined up before me, alongside the store's hot food, like hot dogs and sandwiches. Everything looks so...unhealthy, to be honest. I'm not sure if greasy, sugary, processed food is the right thing to eat at 3 A.M., but when have I ever cared about my health? I check my bank account. I only have 7 bucks, really only enough for one thing or two. [[Get chips and a soda.]] [[Get a hot dog.]] [[Get sour gummy worms.]]

I grab a diet coke from the fridges and some spicy chips. So what if it's 3 A.M? This is the land of the free, and I'm free to get gastritis whenever I want. I walk up to the checkout counter, but something makes me slow down, stop in my tracks. I let out a sigh before looking back to the soda can. I remember...mom was always a health nut. She'd never let me drink soda or juice as a kid. Once I grew up, it was only diet sodas and apple juice. Nothing like Gatorade or Arizonas. She knew the importance of living a healthy life, which is why it hurt even more when she... ........ The ear-grating snore of the store clerk snaps me away from that blissful memory. Who the hell signs up for a night job if you're just gonna fall asleep?! You know what, fuck this. (link:"Leave without paying.")[(goto:"Leave the store.")] [[Forcibly wake him up so you can pay.]]

I stare at the hot dogs on display, rolling over and over to keep warm. They've probably been out for hours, but I don't care. I just want something that feels like a meal. With the tools at my disposal, I tirelessly begin my journey. My arm dives underneath the display, grabbing and feeling, and at long last, pulls out a warm bun. But the fight isn't over; My other arm has now begun to voyage across rows and rows of rollers, scavenging for the perfect hot dog.Not too long, not too short. Not too hot, not too cold. After thousands of miliseconds, My mind finally decides which one is the right one for me. I grab the tongs and hastily reach for the meat. It's a simple, but slippery operation. I grab the hot dog, carefully picking it up.... *ZZZZZZZZZ* I flinch and watch helplessly as the hot dog falls to the floor. Damn it! That stupid store clerk ruined my process. I kick the floor hot dog underneath the shelf and try again, shoving a much less appetizing hotdog into the bun. Ugh. To be honest, I'm not even that hungry anymore after that. Fuck all of this. I'll just snag some random treat and go. (link:"Leave without paying.")[(goto:"Leave the store.")]

To be honest, I've been craving something sweet for quite a while now. I'll get the gummies. I reach for the packet of candy. As the plastic bag crinkles in my hand, I remember how Mom used to love these too. I remember...she would always leave me the red and blue ones. Even as I grew up, I told her to stop leaving them for me, she should enjoy the whole thing for herself. But she'd never listen. She loved that I couldn't hide the slight smile I would get when she left them for me anyway. She loved to see me smile. The ear-grating snore of the store clerk snaps me away from that blissful memory. Who the hell signs up for a night job if you're just gonna fall asleep?! Ugh, fuck this. [[Forcibly wake him up so you can pay.]] (link:"Leave without paying.")[(goto:"Leave the store.")]

I sneak behind the counter, and grab a Zyn pack from the wall behind the clerk. I'm about to give him a taste of his own medicine. I head over to the chips aisle, align my body perfectly towards the counter and.... **CLACK* Immediately, the clerk's horrid snore gets cut short. I quickly make myself look busy, as if I didn't just throw a pack of nicotine patches at him. He looks all over the store, as if it were collapsing in on itself. Staying nonchalant, I walk right up to the counter. He seems groggy, and reeks of booze, oh my god he REEKS of booze...but rings up my stuff without saying a word. Good, because I didn't feel like talking to him anyway. [[Leave the store.]]

As soon as the doors close behind me, I fume on ahead. Why am I still so mad? I mean, why would a guy that stinks of booze, snores loudly, and practically ignores me, make me so mad? I really can't figure out why. Oh well. It's not like I'll see him again. After walking out of the parking lot, An obvious thought comes to me. Where the hell am I going? I don't really feel like going home...but It's starting to get pretty cold, even for me. Hmm...what could I even do at this hour? Malik might be awake at this time...I could visit him and have a chat, but he might be doing something weird. Or maybe I should just go back home and relax... [[Go home.]] [[Visit Malik.]]

I shrug. I already got what I wanted, what's the point of staying in the freezing cold? I've already had my fill of appreciating the serenity of the night. I begin my long walk back home, Scarfing down my grub from the convenience store. It's much colder now, the howling winds of December are starting to whirl up again. I need to hurry before I start developing frostbite. The walk isn't as nice as before, the freezing cold makes it hard for me to think. All I can feel are shards of memories blinking across my mind. Of my life, of my worries, of my ideas, and briefly...just briefly...of her. It's starting to get extremely cold now. My whole body is shivering. The winds howl and glide past the streets, turning and tossing my hair every which way. I open my eyes, and for a brief moment, I see her, standing in the darkness of the night. All weakness sheds from my body. My feet gain a mind of their own, picking up a pace, chasing after a mirage I couldn't make out properly. For my unconscious mind, any kind of hope must be chased after. The mirage gets closer and closer to me, I can see it. Her long hair, Her winter dress, Her motherly figure. It was her. It had to be her. My lungs struggle to keep up with my fast pace and the frigid air around me. My face is piercing cold, my eyes are dry, but it doesn't matter. I'm so close. I need to see her. The mirage finally comes into view. But by the time I see it, every single step I take makes my heart ache. My pace slows down. My feet begin to drag. My breath becomes exasperated. Finally I stop in front of my target. My "hope." A low hanging branch, flowing in the wind. My face turns red. Partly because it's so cold, partly because I'm embarrassed I chased after a tree branch. Partly because I'm angry it wasn't her. But there's nothing I can do besides stand there and catch my breath. I'm too tired to go through those feelings again. ....... ............ I look to my left. My house still looks the same as ever. [[Go back through the window.]]

Malik's always fun to be with, despite his behavior. I may as well go say hi. I always think about how odd our relationship is. We met when I was doing chocolate bar sales for my school, He bought exactly half of my stock, talking about "Laws of equilibrium" and "To take is to give" or whatever. His free minded nature and spiels about spirituality have always intrigued me since then, so I often come back to hear more. Plus, it's nice to just have a stranger you can tell stuff. Who are they gonna tell? The walk isn't as bad tonight. He lives in a more...sketchy...part of town, meaning my walks here are often accompanied by meth addicts begging for change or getting attacked by wild dogs. By the time I finish scarfing down my convenience store grub, the old brick apartments are already in sight. Mom would tell me about how she and dad lived there as runaway teenagers. Apparently, the owner promised to let them stay there for a low cost, as long as mom and dad cleaned the whole thing top to bottom every tuesday. I wish things could be lax like that today. After passing over hills and cracked sidewalks, I finally reach the old glass doors of the entrance. [[Enter]]

The lawn squelches as I tread across it once more. The window opens with ease as I climb inside. My room still looks the same, just slightly darker. I close my window and take off my shoes, heading over to my mirror. My reflection shows practically no signs of life. My skin is so pale, My eye bags heavy, my lips chapped, and my hair messy. Even so, I'm not sure why I like to stare into the mirror. No matter how I may look, just seeing my reflection, seeing myself, living and breathing, it just makes me feel funny. Or maybe grateful, despite everything. I let out a sigh before taking my clothes off and getting into bed. At least this time, my eyes feel sore. Not because I'm tired, but because of my tears. That's odd. When did I start crying? ....Whatever. Like I said, I'm too tired to go through these feelings again. These cold sheets...will be my comfort for tonight. Like always. [[Ending 1.]]

<h3>Ending 1, Dead set.</h3> I only went out for a snack, that's it. I don't have the energy to worry about other things. But....maybe I should. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]

The warmth of the building is a nice surprise, but the old smell of mildew sure isn't, alongside the blinding yellow wall lamps in the hallways. I go up the stairs, since the elevator is usually broken, and walk down the hallway to Malik's apartment. It's deathly quiet now, my footsteps sound like bowling balls against the old carpet. Not even the wind outside can be heard in here. I hope I don't wake anyone up. I reach Malik's door. Even though it's almost 4 am by now, I hear the faint sounds of those "Healing frequency" audios. I give the door a good knock. The doorknob rattles as its turned, and I see Malik stand there WITH NOTHING ON HOLY SHIT. "DUDE, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?!" I ask in an angry whisper. Malik simply closes his eyes and shrugs, unbothered by his circumstance. "The night is the time for humans to reconnect with the spirit. And the best way to do that is to embrace your human nature." I quickly slam my eyes shut, but it's too late. The image of Malik's dong has been burned into my brain. My only release now is to kill myself. Thankfully, Malik takes a hint and shuffles around for a quick moment. By the time I open my eyes again, he's wearing...boxers. Eh.....better than nothing...I guess. "It's not often you visit me this late," he says, "Is something wrong?" "Nah, I chugged some Redbulls earlier and now I can't sleep. Figured you might be up though, so I came for a chat." I explain. Malik crosses his arms. "Tsk tsk. I've told you countless times the demonic effects of those drinks. Energy must only be restored via methods nature gives us. But I digress, come on in." [[Enter inside.]]

I follow Malik inside and close the door behind me. My nose fills with the pleasant scent of oils and incense. Malik's apartment has always been very comforting. He never uses big lights, strictly lamps and candles. The furniture is detailed and colorful, and everything feels like it's in the perfect spot. I take off my shoes at the door and sit in a bean bag as Malik goes back to his meditation carpet. "Hey Malik, how come you're up this late anyway?" Malik positions himself in a criss-cross pose before answering. "I am holding a self-guided meditation vigil tonight. The night is a wonderful time for things like this. Just as we humans thrive in the day, we must also appreciate the properties of the night." "I swear man, you really need to write a book. You speak like a coach." I tell him. "Oh...but I guess me coming here kinda ruined your vigil thing, huh?" Malik simply smiles. "It's alright, human connection is always appreciated, especially in our current day and age." I share back the smile. "So...how are the energies? What have you been up to?" "Hm...well, I was able to celebrate my 23rd year on this earth last week...and I just came back from a meditation retreat upstate." My eyebrows raise. "Ah man, sorry I couldn't stop by to say happy birthday. I had school stuff going on. Any gifts?" Malik rests his chin on his hand. "Just the gift of life. But, I wouldn't mind if you brought me some chocolates..." As much as Malik preaches about balance and leading a healthy lifestyle, he's a sucker for chocolate. If it's not tea, it's hot cocoa. All the sweets in his house have something to do with chocolate, I have never seen this man eat something like a gummy worm or whatever. "Don't worry, next time I see you, I'll bring you one of those chocolate boxes from Costco." Malik chuckles a little. "I can't wait." Our conversation ends there, but it's not uncomfortable at all. Malik just goes back to meditating, and I get to space out to healing frequencies. I close my eyes as those melodies and harmonies wade and drift into my ears. I don't necessarily believe all of Malik's beliefs; things like healing crystals or whatever, but healing frequencies are at the very least, nice to listen to. I fall deeper into the bean bag. It's in brief moments like this where I just wish...Malik could be my dad instead. Malik can actually cook, he's so knowledgeable about so many things, he knows the importance of resting, and...he knows how to be comforting. When I think about him, I can't help but think back to dad. We barely talk anymore. If we do, it's always about the same things. School, grades, college. He doesn't even try with cooking; I can't count how many Chipotle bowls and chicken sandwiches have replaced real, home cooked meals. And god, he is such an emotional wreck. Just seeing something like an old coffee mug of hers is enough to make him go non-verbal for days. Sometimes I think that if it weren't for my existence... He would've killed himself by now. ....But, as much as I'd love it, Malik wouldn't be a good father for me either. Despite our relationship, we're very much polar opposites. It'd be a nightmare trying to live with my ideals if he was responsible for me. "Hey, are you alright? You seem very lost in your thoughts." Malik looks at me with concern. I let out a sigh before looking back at him. "I'm fine. Just....you know, same old." Malik looks down. He thinks for a good while, knowing how many times we've talked about this. "You know...It'd be nice if your father came to visit me. I really believe I can give him the help he desires. Grief can truly destroy a person, sometimes permanently." My hands dig into my pockets. I hated talking about this. "I just...don't know how to approach him anymore. He's changed so much, I don't know he'd react if I told him to get help." Malik places a hand on his chest. "How can you know if you never try? Your relationship with him doesn't have to be sour forever." I look to the side. If I do ask him...that would bring so much change into my life. I just don't feel like dealing with that right now. "Forgive me for being harsh, but you can't wish for change if you're not willing to do anything for it." Malik states. I lower my eyes. "I know...I just...I'm not ready for that much change yet. Even if it kinda sucks, I like being comfortable right now." Malik lets out a sigh. "Well...go at your own pace then. Just know that once you're ready to make that step, I'll be here." "...Thank you Malik. I'm grateful to have someone like you." I choke out. Jeez...I'm really not the type to cry, It's kinda embarrassing. I quickly wipe my eyes and fix my composure. "Well...I should probably head back home. I'm starting to get tired." Malik gets up from his rug. "You could stay here if you like. You could get sick from the cold outside." I pause. I've never spent a night at Malik's apartment before. It could be nice...but I also kinda miss my bed... [[Spend the night at Malik's.]] [[Go back home.]]

Oh, what the hell. Why not? My house is cold anyway. "Alright, I'll spend the night." Malik smiles and nods. He digs behind a nearby sofa and pulls out a blanket. "I don't have a guest room, So feel free to stay on the couch. I'll be heading to bed now too, you can use the bathroom as well." With a wave, he heads to his room and closes the door. With haste, I head over to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Malik isn't one of those weird hippies who believes that dental hygiene disconnects from nature or something, so he has all the proper toiletries. Unfortunately, I don't have a toothbrush, so I'm forced to brush my teeth with my fingers. I spit out my toothpaste and leave the bathroom. With each step, I feel my body shutting down just a bit more. Those Redbulls are running out of my system now. My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness as I turn off the lights and head to the sofa. Instinctively, I start taking off my clothes. But right before I pull my hoodie over my head, I pause. Would Malik mind if I slept in my underwear? Well....probably not. I mean, he was sitting butt ass naked on his carpet for his meditation thing. Plus, he's always talking about how we should "Embrace our humanity" or whatever. I pull off my clothes, leaving them neatly folded on the bean bag, I wrap myself up with the huge blanket on the couch. It's black with tons of vine imagery on it, and it has a cool white tiger on it aswell. To my surprise, It's shockingly comfy. I can feel myself slowly sinking into the soft fibers of the couch, as the blanket clings to my body like a hug. My eyes fight to keep themselves open, but ultimately fail, as my body and mind drift off to dreamland. ....... ........... //A bright light pierces my view. But once it dims, I notice where I am. Rolling hills as far as the eye can see. But the grass that covers it isn't green, it's red. Slowly moving in waves as the wind weaves between blades. Suddenly, a piece of paper flies past me. I look up to the sky, finding countless papers falling from the sky like rain. I reach out to grab one and attempt to read it, but the letters on the page shift as soon as I blink. I can only make out a few topics; something about medicine and cells. The paper slowly morphs into a phone. On screen is a conversation between me and...mom? I try to read the text again, but I still can't. Blue bubbles filled with wrangled letters and blurry emojis shift and merge against the white backdrop of the chat log. I look up, attempting to find something new in my surroundings. Now, a hospital stretcher laid in front of me, overgrown with flowers. I slowly walk over to the stretcher, Bees and butterflies buzz and flap around the blooming flowers, humming a harmonic melody. The sight takes my breath away. Is it possible that this is....? As soon as I make the distinction, the insects fly away, and the flowers begin to lose their color. But they don't wilt. A sharp sound, like glass shattering, pierces my ears. The wails of...something...begin to resonate with the land. The sky turns from a clear blue to a dull gray. The grass begins to lose its hue, becoming a dark crimson red. The winds becomes stronger too, flailing my clothes and hair everywhere. The wails reverberate louder. I can feel the vibrations of it ripple across my body. A hole in the sky appears, and from it, descends a large black and gray swirl, suited with a neck tie. My heart instantly fills with dread, yet I have no idea why. My legs pressure me to run, but my mind stays still. The creature in the sky wails again, and the sound of shattering glass soon becomes the only background noise I hear. The ground trembles with fervor. I look down, only to notice cracks appearing the grass. With one final wail, The swirling creature produces an earthquake so strong, the ground finally gives. My mind finally gets the hint and tries to run, but it's too late. With one step, the ground below me shatters, and my body plummets into a deep void. I look around aimlessly, panic ensuing. My only light source, the hole I fell through, was becoming exponentially smaller. I desperately try to grasp at something, anything, but to no avail. My light is gone. My body is lost. Nothing can stop me from falling into this endless void. As soon as that realization hits me, I stop resisting. The only stimuli now, was the sound of my clothes flapping in the wind. and then, a wail. Another despair-inducing wail coming from below. But this time I can't run, I can hide. I can't ignore it. The sounds are getting closer and closer. My heart begins to race again. Time is running out...!// I wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. My adrenaline spikes. I look around desperately in the darkness of the apartment, looking for anything to fight. Logic finally creeps in, and I realize there's nothing here. Just...a bad dream. ...The apartment is so quiet though. Not in a good way. Despite my efforts, I can't help the feeling that something is watching me. No, no, I'm not going to be a baby tonight. It's nothing but a dream, none of that was real. I flip over to face the wall instead...only to feel more vulnerable. I switch positions, laying on my stomach rather than my back...nope. Still feel weird. I angrily slam back to my original position. There's no way I'm going to be scared of the dark at 19 years old. ....But I am...aren't I? My anger quickly dissipates back into fear. Raw, brutal fear. I clutch my blanket with strength. My mind replays the horrifying wails of the dream. Visions of the swirling creature overtake my sight. For brief moment, I see it in the reflection of the TV, making my heart go from miles to kilometers a minute. My eyes begin to water, my throat is choking up... No...I'm too old to be scared like this. I'm too old to be scared like this. I’m too old to be scared like this. I’m too…I’m…I… No, I need someone…something…please make it go away…I don’t want to be scared…I just want to sleep…someone…help me… [[Go to Malik’s room.]] [[Hide under the covers]]

"Thanks for the offer, but I kinda miss my bed." I bluntly tell him. Malik nods. "I understand. Be sure to get home quickly, The cold is very brutal." I get up from the bean bag, and with a final wave, head out of Malik's apartment. The hallway is still as quiet as ever. So is the main lobby, the parking lot outside, and the hills I crossed. Once I reach the main road, I whip out my phone from my hoodie pocket. It's 6:51 A.M. already. Time sure flies when you're running from your problems. As I start the journey back home, Malik's words swish around in my mind. Would dad really benefit from this? Well, before her passing, he was pretty lax on life. He'd always tell me stories of his college days in the 1990s, like how he crossed over 2 states to "Sleepover" with mom while she was at her grandparent's house for vacation, or how he returned from spring break, went to an after-party and got drunk, ended up 2 hours away from home, and made it in time for a class's finals, all within a single day. I'm going to take a very wild guess and say he didn't pass that class at all. But my point is, maybe Malik is right. All this time I've been complaining about how MY life is ruined, how I gave up on so much, but I never even thought about how dad felt. In fact, all I do is just bash him for how unavailable he's been. A large pit of guilt begins to grow in my stomach. Oh my god. I never even stopped to consider dad. He deserves help too, he desperately needs it. Yet all this time, I've just treated him like a piece of shit because he fails to properly care for me. Of course he can't take care of me, he can hardly take care of himself. The pit of guilt grows bigger. He doesn't even have the time for therapy. He has to work all the time just to barely make rent and bills. He must be so burnt out, no wonder he spends all his weekends drunk and asleep. Yet, a small thought whispers in my mind. Just because he's been broken, doesn't mean he has a pass to neglect me. I end my train of thought and look up. To my right was a long fence, guarding me from the river-like highway below. Cars zoom past below me, heading forward, towards today's opportunities, and few returning back, to old lives and habits. Behind the cars, the highway, the fence, and the trees, was a beautiful morning sky. Orange and blue splash across the sky, like an aurora. The sun slowly appears from behind the trees, dispelling the umbra of the night. For now, darkness must not have a place. This is a moment of new beginnings, and new opportunities. Though darkness will always come back, so will the day. My body loosens as I simply stare out into the scenery. The wind runs its fingers through my hair, as if comforting me. Just because someone is hurt, doesn't mean they can hurt others. That's why I have to help dad. He needs to feel alive once more. I can't let him keep going like this. The walk back home feels bittersweet. Everything is going to change if I do this. But now, I feel ready. There's nothing for me to lose by doing this. [[I walk back across the wet grass, and into my room.]]

It's so hot under here, but I don't care. I need to be safe. I need to be ok. My arms and legs jitter and tremble. My eyes are forced shut. My breath is shaky and sporadic. Why? Why am I so scared? What is it about the dream that is so terrifying? My mind keeps flashing visuals. The red grass. The papers. The messages. The void. Mom. Those flowers were her, wasn't it? Then who is the creature? The wailing creature that dons a neck tie, who induces dread amd misery, who moves pathetically.... My eyes open in shock. My body remains still. It's dad, isn't it? In an instant, my fears evaporate. That must be it. So then...is that the effect dad has on me? What does this dream mean? I slowly rise out of the covers. Not with fear, but with confusion. I get up to turn on a floor lamp, and lay back down to collect my thoughts. If mom is the bed with flowers...does that represent her death? There were also those papers and messages...I made that distinction in the dream. Hmm...When I realized though, the creature came out. So that means...Mom's passing is connected to dad's anguish? It makes sense. Everytime mom is mentioned, dad becomes a wreck. That's it then...The dream is about dad's response to mom. So then...why do I fall into a void? Falling into a void... Falling into a void....... My body weighs the sofa down. I can feel myself sinking deeper into it as I lay motionless, like falling into a void. It's obvious. It's so obvious what this dream is about. It's like my mind's making a mockery of me. Of how weak I am, how far I've fallen, how pathetic my life has become... My vison begins to blur, turning into static and monochrome. It's not my fault I'm so behind. Everyone else failed me. Life failed me. My enviroment failed me. But...why me? What did I do to deserve this? I never disrespected my parents. I always apologized for my wrong doings. I got along well with most people. I had good grades...I had dreams....why did life have to tear it all away from me? "Go at your own pace." ....huh? Malik's words suddenly flashed in my mind, breaking me put of my tangent. Going at my own pace. What would that even mean? I stare out into the void again. But this time there's a light. Small and dim, but it's there. It's something. It makes sense. My life was destroyed in matter of days after...she died. This odd well of emptiness has been so comforting because I couldn't fathom how life could get better after this. What do you mean she would never see me grow up? Graduate? Or get married? How could I live in peace knowing my father will almost never recover from her passing? How could I live in peace if there's no one to support me now? The light grows a little brighter. That was the problem. I thought I had to have everything healed and mended by next week. And if it wasn't, then I would never be happy again. But...that's not how it works, is it? That's what Malik meant. The only way I could ever move on was to take baby steps. I can't expect change if I never do anything about it. That light was enveloping me now. It feels so warm, so welcoming. I feel like I can conquer the world now. How...? No way all my problems can be solved with a single spark of motivation. The light hugs me tightly, picking up my chin with its delicate hands. I can see a better version of me in the reflection of its pitch dark eyes. So happy. So free. [[*It too, can be yours.*]]

<h3>Ending 2, Close together.</h3> Human connection is precious, all forms of it. I finally know that now. No matter how sour things may be, it's never too late for change. Thank you Malik. For giving great advice, and for not being weird when I wanted to be close to you. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]

Malik. Malik is here. I need to see him. I need his help. I get up in a rush. My mind is still dazed with visions of that bizzarre dream, and my heart still feels like something is going to kill me. My legs speed walk to Malik's room and my hands open the door without hesitation. Malik is here. Thank god he's here. He lays on his bed reading a book, a small candle lit on his nightstand. He immediately looks at me with a calm composure. "Is everything alright?" As my fear evaporates, Shame begins to set in. At my grown age, I really had to go to an adult's room because I had a "scawwy dweam." How embarrassing. I turn back to the living room, but my mind once again fills with thoughts of that horrid dream, the visions of the swirling creature faintly echoing in my imagination. No...this is fine. I look back to Malik, who seems more concerned at my non-responsiveness, and swallow my shame. "I...had a nightmare. And now I'm too scared to go back to sleep." Malik motions me to come inside. I close the door behind me, and walk over to sit on the corner of his bed. "What was the dream about?" He asks. I close my eyes to envision the scene again. "I was standing in a grassy field, but the grass was red. It was raining papers about...medical stuff? and then I saw a hospital stretcher in front of me that was covered in flowers." I pause. Here comes the ugly part. "Then this...thing...came out of the sky. It was like, a bunch of swirling clouds wearing a necktie, and it was crying loudly. Then the grass beneath me shattered, and I fell into an empty void. And then...I woke up." I look back at Malik, who has a pensive look on his face. "I think this dream could have something to do with a past trauma, or something that you feel like is chasing after you." "Maybe," I tell him, "but it really freaked me out. God, I feel like a little kid because I came to see you." He puts the book on his nightstand. "Nonsense. Seeking out another human during a fear response is a normal thing. It's not just for kids." I let out a sigh. "I...understand that. But I still..." My throat chokes up again. "I'm still so scared. Not just about the dream." Everything now felt like a swirl of emotions. The dream had cracked open the floodgates, re-releasing years of repressed emotions and memories. I swipe away at my tears, but they just keep falling, and falling, and falling. I don't want them to fall anymore. I just want to be happy. Normal. Not...empty, or a wreck, like...like... Like my father... I turn to Malik again, My voice small. "...I don't mean to be...weird...but can...can I hug you?" Malik spreads his arms open, and I crawl over to embrace him. The floodgates had fallen apart now. Everything was being unleashed. Hate and resentment towards my failing father. Grief and mourning over my dead mother. Hopelessness from my depressing and miserable life. An endless hurricane of silent torment and sorrow. Streams of tears pour out from eyes onto Malik's shoulder. My arms wrap tightly around him, begging for constant reminders that I am safe, I am protected, I will be ok. I just want this all to end. Not my life, but my circumstances. I want the sun to shine again. I want the flowers in spring back. I want school to feel fun again. I want my father to be happy. I want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. I just want everything...to be ok...to be fine again... The typhoon begins to slow down, my thoughts calming down as I return back to reality. My tears become smaller, and my lungs catch their breath. I loosen my grip and get off Malik, whose shoulder is now covered in snot and tears. He places a hand on my bicep. "Everything will be ok. Change is always possible." I sniffle sporadically as I wipe my eyes. "T-thank you Malik. I k-know." We sit there in silence, until I finally catch my breath. Everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. Despite what just happened, I can't help but smile. I never realized how much a good cry can help. Maybe I should stop bottling up my emotions. I look back to Malik, who still looks at me with soft eyes. You know what? Screw everything. Truly nothing feels better than human connection. “Malik, can I sleep with you tonight? I hope you don’t mind.” Malik widens his eyes in shock. “Oh…are you sure? You’re not usually the type to be this close.” I shrug. “You said it yourself. Nothing is better than human connection. Besides, it’s never bad to cuddle with the homies platonically.” I give him a light punch on the shoulder. Malik lets out a chuckle. “Well, if it is alright with you, then it is alright with me. I’m guessing…you’re still a little scared?” I nearly say “maybe” out of instinct, but I stop myself for a moment. “…No. I don’t want to be scared anymore. Not just about the dream, but of everything. I really do want change, you know.” Malik blows out the candle. I get under the cover and huddle close to him, his body radiating heat. I can't remember the last time I slept with my parents, but I can feel it. Just being this close to someone, makes everything else melt away. I’m not worried about how I’m gonna convince dad, or about the upcoming new year, or about unprocessed traumas. All I care about right now, is being close to another human being. Maybe I should trust Malik’s ideas more, about being together and embracing our humanity. Well…I’m not ready to walk around butt naked just yet though. Malik positions himself to let me be closer to him. “It’s therapeutic isn’t it? Going back to our old lives, where all we had was each other…” I smile warmly. “It is.” Everything is going to be ok. [[Ending 2]]

Can it really? My mind feels so conflicted now. Why was I depressed for so long if all it took was a little inspiration? *Listen to me.* ....Huh? Is there someone there? *Enough delay, it must be you. Do you miss her?* An odd voice reverberates around the dream. I can feel it staring at me, waiting for an answer. .......uhm...I don't know. I guess I get a little sad when I see others with their moms, or maybe when I remember her favorite foods. But...I don't let it ruin my day. Not like dad does. That means I'm ready to move on, right? The light shifts the environment now. I'm no longer awake then, this must be a dream. How funny, one dream broke me, now another wants to fix me. *What will happen when you go home? Back to your father, back to your cold, dark, room?* The light feels more stormy now. If I go back to my dreaded home, I might slip back to my old ways. But it's different now! I can make small changes! *Where will you start?* Oh boy. Where do I start? Well, I guess I could clean up my room...take a quick shower...and stop listening to sad music. That's a good start, right? *How can I trust you?* The disembodied voice appears into view, amidst the slow, swirling lights of the dream. My eyes widen in shock. It's me. But....older. Same clothes, same hair, same eyes, maybe a few more marks of age. Their expression is full of joy, the same person in the reflection I saw. They slowly walk up to me. *I don't want to die. I know that I'm possible. I'm here...waiting for you.* Their bluntness throws me off, but I understand what they mean. That better future for me...Is possible. But still...I don't understand. How can I move on this quickly? What about my feelings towards mom's death? *The issue is not your mother's death, it's you. You still miss her, but you no longer grieve. And yet, you treat yourself as if you still are.* I stand still, staring at future-me. *Please. Please promise me you'll do better for yourself.* They take one more step, and embrace me wholeheartedly. The warmth from earlier comes surging back, urging me to embrace future-me aswell. I do want change. But it won't be easy. Even so, I need to do it. I can't become like my father, I have to make things better for myself. I promise that I will fight for you. [[*Thank you.*]]

Everything swirls into one. Future-me, the lights, my body. And still, I can feel myself amidst it all. This odd, sudden hope...I really need to put it to good use. You know what they say, with lows, come highs. ...... ............... It's morning. My eyes slowly part, revealing a dawn-light window, and a calm living room. My body feels warm underneath the blanket. The birds are chirping outside, and the sun is beaming. It's a new day, it's a beautiful morning. [[Ending 3.]]

<h3>Ending 3, It's a new day.</h3> Obviously, not everything can be fixed overnight. But I don't need a perfect life to feel happy. Sometimes, all I need is a few words of encouragement, and a visit to a spiritual freak's house. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]

My room looks serene, as the light from the sunrise lights it up in careful rays. I take off my shoes and head out the door, catching my dad in the hallway. He scratches his head. "Oh. You're awake. Uh...what day is it?" My mind begins to regurgitate old thoughts, but I remember what I'm here for. "It's saturday, dad." Without thinking, My body gravitates towards his, embracing him in a warm hug. He stands stiffly, caught off guard by my sudden affection. But I know his old self is still in here, the man who changed my diapers, helped me walk as a kid, took me to play in the park on sunny summer days, told me about his time as a youth, and pushed me to work hard in school, will never disappear, no matter how much grief overcomes him. Slowly, his arms envelop my body as well. Now, there's nothing in between us. No work, No school, no grudges, no meetings or plans. Just a beautiful saturday morning, welcoming new beginnings. But I guess, he simply isn't used to this. "Uhm...what's all this about?" he asks. I smile, even though he can't see my face. "I don't know. I just felt like you needed a hug." Those words make his arms press tighter around me. I can hear him trying to control his now shaky breath. "I appreciate it." Before long, we let each other go. There's a brief silence, but not as awkward as silences before. Dad whips at his eyes, trying to act as if he's just picking out sand. "Um...well, since you're up. What do you say we...go to Ihop for breakfast?" It's been so long since we've gone anywhere. As a matter of fact, it's been so long since I've seen dad this stable. Maybe he too, wants change? Maybe my sudden affection inspired him in some way? Who knows. But at least for now.. "Sure, lets go." [[Ending 4]]

<h3>Ending 4, New Beginnings.</h3> *Don't worry when night begins to creep into the day, for the morning will always come back. Don't worry when fall begins to snatch leaves off the trees, for spring will always return to grow them back. Don't worry when Sunday pushes you back into the work week, for Friday will always welcome you for a few days of rest.* Next time however, I should probably realize this without pulling an all-nighter. I've had 3 cups of coffee by now. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]

What am I thinking? That ladder is probably so rusted, I'd fall to my death before reaching the top. I wanna check out the church instead. I cross the street without looking, and walk up right to the entrance of the church. The pillars that held up the roof were dilapidated, with weeds filling in the forming cracks. Overgrown grass flooded all around the church, gently blowing in the wind. I look inside the building, but all my eyes saw was darkness. I take my phone out of my pocket and turn on the flashlight as I step inside. The reception was even worse. The carpet was moldy and soggy, and a large dark path led to the entrance of the main church, most likely wear and tear from years of being stepped on. I walk across the squelching carpet, behind a small counter. There's nothing here besides empty water bottles, pens, and a bible. I flash my phone over it, curious to see what it says. Among all the verses on the page, one was highlighted red. *Haggai 1:6, You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.* .....Odd. Why would someone highlight that? It doesn't really make sense. Then again I have a D in english, so I probably shouldn't be analyzing texts anyway. I move on from the counter, standing in front of the menacing entrance doors. These lead to the actual church area, and from the amount of dust on the handles, it seems no one has entered it in a long time. Except for now. While holding my flashlight, I push onto the doors with my forearm and.... I push onto the doors and.... I push onto the doors.....! With a sharp exhale, I step back. These doors are not budging at all. Yet the adrenaline from pushing compels me to return and give it one more shot, no way I'm this weak. I step back a little, cocking my legs. I position myself almost like a runner, staring at my ominous target, the door. In a flash, I spring back up charging at the door with all my might. Getting closer and closer, my feet splashing onto the soaked carpet... A shove. A crack. [[A crash.]]

Well, people say you should heal your inner child, so why not? The water tower wasn't that far away from the church. Dad says that it had to be rebuilt apparently, because it was struck by one of those pollinating airplanes that farmers use. There was also another big scandal about it too, some homeless lunatic climbed on top of it and threatened the people below that he would jump. It took 2 firefighter trucks to get him off, but I can't remember if he was put in an institution or jail. It really is in an emptier part of town though. The only thing around it was a large wheat field. Hippies would get busted here all time for god knows what. Having sex, doing drugs, eating the wheat as if they were cows. This town is so odd... By the time I pass the massive forests and wheat fields, held back from road railings, My feet were starting to get tired instead of my eyes. I kinda forgot that was the whole reason I snuck out. But now it was here, in all its massive glory, the water tower. It had a pale blue color, slightly illuminated by streetlamps and moonlight. It was massive, maybe 4 storeys tall, and had all sorts of funky equipment attached to it. Cables, boxes, and tubes of wire. I feel so small and insignificant standing underneath it, as if it could crush me at any second. But I know what I'm here for. I didn't walk almost 3 miles just to chicken out and go home. And like I said before, I gotta heal my inner child. I step forward a bit more, positioning myself right in front of the ladder. It showed signs of wear, but at least it wasn't rusting. My brain attempts to move my hand to the ladder, but it doesn't budge. I try again, but my arm is too stiff, too scared. It's alright. I'll be fine. I can always come back down if I have to. I swallow my fear and firmly place an arm and leg onto the ladder. With another gulp, I haul my other side up. This is it. I'm climbing this thing. One leg up, one arm up. One leg up, one arm up. By the time I climbed up about 4 steps, I started entering a rhythm. My body sways side to side as I grab step after step, and as my feet push down step after step. The cold December air made my face and hands biting cold, But I couldn't stop now. I had to keep pushing forward. One leg up, one arm up. One leg up, one arm up. It felt like I was in some action movie, Climbing up a falling tower to rescue a damsel in distress. Oof. The words "falling tower" might not be a good choice actually. Suddenly, a strong urge to look down overcame my entire body. It'd make things worse, yes, but I've only been climbing for like what, 2 minutes? It won't hurt if I [[look down.]]

A burning pain spreads across my arm. My lungs fill up with dust, causing me to cough and hack. My eyes are teary from all the particles, and my ears slightly ring. I didn't expect such a strong door to fall apart, even with...well, I guess I put some force onto it. Now it just lays there underneath me, split into several pieces of cracked wood. As I rub the tears away from my eyes, I look up to see if my phone was around, as it was no longer in my hand. Yet suddenly, I pause. Tainted glass windows spread across the walls of the church, each one sprawling from floor to ceiling. The moonlight outside shines brightly on them, painting the pews and floor below with colorful shadows. Mesmerized, I slowly rise to my feet, completely forgetting whatever I was doing. It felt like I was in some 1400s cathedral, all the artwork in the windows felt medieval and classical. One window had a picture of some lady, a snake, and a glowing apple. Another showed a large boat riding on high waves, and another showed a depiction of what I assume is the J-Man himself. I never would've thought that such beautiful artwork was stashed away behind closed doors, on the outskirts of nowhere. It makes me wonder, why did the church close? I rack my mind, looking for old memories of this place. I remember peeing my pants because some kid told me it was sin to pee in church, embarrassing. I remember asking my mom to bring me some of the communal wine...wait, I remember seeing an usher stuff papers in the... I look back up to the colorful scenery. All the way at the end of the church was the utility closet, the one place us kids were always shooed away from, for no reason. I slowly walk down the aisle, past the empty pews, and step onto the altar. With every step, a small cloud of dust rises from the carpet. Before I turn to the utility closet, I find myself in front of the large organ piano in the middle of the altar. It was caked in dust, more than the other things, because our church never used it. I remember sneaking up to it when the ushers weren't looking, pressing a note, and getting hit with the yelps and reprimands of all the church members. Actually, after that, I don't remember ever coming back to this church. I guess to my parents, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Good choice on their part. I never understood why the church had all these cool things, and never used them. They always wanted everyone to just sit down and shut up. I turn and walk away from the organ, and step right in front of the utility closet. My heart starts beating a little bit faster. The colorful shadows that splatter around the church don't reach here, making the door look lifeless and ominous. My hands reaches and grabs the doorknob, dust sticking to my sweaty palms. My wrist begins to twist, my heart begins to race, turning the knob slowly...all the way...until it no longer goes further. ......... [[I gently open the door....]]

My eyes are closed. I can't see what's inside. I don't want to see what's inside. but that's why I'm here. I've already gone this far, All I need to do is see this one final secret. My eyes slowly squint back open, scared to see what lies beyond the door. But as soon as I make out the faintest details, my eyes open fully. It was just a desk....and a computer. I slowly step inside, the light from my phone doing a poor job at illuminating the room. The room was small, about the size of a walk-in closet, but there's no doubt that the secrets held here were not small. I step in front of the computer, covered in dust and grime, its white, plastic case growing mold. Without hesitation, I push the dusty power on button. To my surprise and dismay, the computer began making the most ear piercing noises I had ever heard in my entire life. The speakers were blasting all kinds of sporadic noises, as if a flock of geese was being strangled to death. I immidiently start mashing the power button, but that only makes the monitor turn on, flashing 15 million variants of red, green, and blue into my eyes. My body starts hyperventilating, grasping and grasping for air, only to met with swamp air and dust. Why the hell did I come this room? Why did I go to this church? Why did I leave my house at all? I start hitting the wailing computer box, trying anything to shut the damn thing off. and finally, somehow, it works. The noises stop. The screen returns to black. Everything is okay now. My breathing begins to settle down, and my heart stops running. That's enough exploration for today. I bend down and grab my phone, which had fallen amidst the chaos. Yet as I turn to leave the room, I hear an old startup sound. The computer was on. I slowly turn around as the screen displays a simple login screen. Is it...normal now? It won't explode in my face, right? I walk back to the computer, now face-to-face with the login screen. I didn't think I'd actually get this far. Even though my hands are powdered in dust, My fingers graviatate to the dirty keyboard, and begin typing out the only password that could work. "1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...0..." With bated breath, the login screen shows a simple message. "Welcome, Arthur." Within seconds, everything begins loading in at once, message and pop ups briefly appear disappear all over the screen, until all thats left is a simple wallpaper. [[Grab the mouse.]]

I wipe my hands over my jeans, alongside the mouse. Right away, I head over to the web browser. Let's see just how "holy" Mr. Arthur was.... (link-reveal: "Click on 'Search History'")[ woah. woah, WOAH. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Oh my god. My free hand slowly clasps over my gaping jaw as I scroll through links and links of full-on porn. And man, this guy did not discriminate. There's asian ladies, black ladies, white ladies, latina ladies, indian ladies, european ladies, lady on lady, PissingBabes.com!? Is this what he was doing during the week? Just sneaking off to church to goon for hours on some shitty computer from the 90s? Are you kidding me? Thank god we left this place. Looks like the holy oil was used for more than just anointing... ] (link-reveal: "Click on 'Google Drive'")[ Part of me is scared to do so, but I click anyway. Right away, I'm hit with a mountain of PDFs. but as I scroll through all of them, something odd strikes me about them. They're all...invoices? One is for a pizza shop...another for a gift shop...and one for a coffee shop? What's going on here? ] (link-reveal: "Click on 'Gmail'")[ It takes a while, but soon all the emails this man has ever sent appear in a neat and orderly list. It seems the most recent one was was sent to some lady called...Amanda? Intrigued, (link-reveal: "I click it.")[ *Date: September 4th 2018, 10:32 P.M. To: littleMissCandy@gmail.com From: alphaLeaderArthur@gmail.com Title: See you soon. Amanda, I'm so excited to finally be with you. It makes my cock hard just thinking about all the ways we're going to have fun in our new home. All these months of living with my wretched wife and kids have been utter hell. They can rot in debt for all I care. In case you forgot, wait for me at the E11 bus stop in Canfrilton. Make sure you have enough clothes, we could be moving around for a few days. And before we leave, here's a little spicy gift for you ;) [image.png]* (link-reveal: "*See you soon!*")[ ...... ........... Holy shit. What in the world did I just uncover? My eyes scan every line of the message over and over again, as if its contents would become less baffling. Is this it? Is this why the church ended up closing? Because Mr. "Alpha Leader Arthur" thought the stripper loved him? No fucking way man. This is insane. At least now we know why. I'm not even going to click on that image. Not in the mood to see Mr.Arthur's tiny shriveled dick. ] ] ] [[Turn the computer off.]]

My mind runs blank as I hold down the power button, trying to digest all the new info I uncovered, chewing it over and over, like a tough steak. I leave the closet, and walk again past the massive organ, the colorful pews, the broken door, the swampy reception, and the overgrown entrance. I breathe in. I breathe out. This was...definitely an experience. Not sure if I'd ever want to do it again. But if I think about it differently, the only thing that really happened was I saw some pretty colors, and got a hot cup of gossip. Was it traumatic? Maybe. But man, that made my heart race. I walk back home with a smile on my face. Not out of happiness, but out of pure shock. Who knew that was the reason the church was left to rot? I wonder how the congregation would've reacted if they found out their pastor was a such lustful, cheating man. The streets are still as quiet as before. The trees still rustle gently in the wind. The windows of houses are still dark, and the windchimes still giggle and sing at the wind's touch. Before I know it, I'm back home. I walk across the squelching grass, open up my window, and head inside. Sweet dreams pastor-man, wherever you are. Or maybe...Wet dreams? [[Ending 5]]

<h3>Ending 5, Guess what? You're busted.</h3> So it turns out, breaking into an old building, leaving clear fingerprints everywhere, and connecting an incriminating piece of evidence back to the internet, was not a smart move. A few weeks after my midnight adventure, cops showed up to my house. Thank god dad wasn't home. I still remember the look on the cop's face when he realized I wasn't Arthur. Thankfully, I didn't go to jail. They asked me a few questions like, "What were you doing there?" and "Do you have contact with Arthur?" and blah blah blah. It didn't take long for them to realize I had nothing to do with Arthur, but they did warn me about breaking doors in *technically* private property. Once they finished, they bid me farewell and went on their day. Nothing ever came out of it again. Yet a few days later on the news, a man who looked strikingly similar to Arthur was arrested for money laundering...what an odd coincidence. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]

.......... ................... O-oh.....Ok......I-I see........ I'm not that far high up....right? Just...maybe....you know....60 feet from the ground...? The wheat fields from below look miniscule now. My freezing hands clamp harder omto the ladder. My arms press closer to my body. Any small wind feels like it could topple me over in an instant. I look back up to the top, But it feels so far away. Shit. I can't be stuck. No wonder that homeless guy need a bunch of people to get him down. My mind begins to play a mental movie of me staying motionless on the ladder. Winter comes and passes. A search team is sent after me after my dad realizes I haven't been home in days. Actually, I don't know if he cares that much, but whatever. The search team scours over the town, but there's no way to find me. I left in the middle of the night, the only footprints available being the ones I left on the wet grass. I waste away on this ladder becoming skin and bone. My hands nearly fall off from frostbite. Finally, after weeks, some guy notices me on the ladder. Firemen pull up immediately, and I have to be pryed off and carried down like a little baby. I later die from complications in the hospital. .....Wow, that's actually a really sad way to go. The oddness of the situation I made snaps me out of my trembling fear, my mind had forgotten why I was so scared. Once again, It's back into the rhythm. One leg up, one arm up. One leg up, one arm up. I was starting to get sweaty now. Both from the fear and the climbing. I could see my breath becoming foggier, and steam rising out from my hoodie. I was like some kind of stew, bubbling with stupidity, fear, and recklessness. My hands were screaming with coldness. probably should have worn gloves. But I can't stop. The platform was just 20 feet away. One leg up, one arm up. One leg up, one arm up. I gotta keep going. I gotta keep going. I gotta keep going....!! [[Gotcha!]]

One arm grabs the railing, another grabs the floor. Slowly, I haul my aching legs onto the platform and collapse once my whole body is up. A sudden nausea washes over me, my head begins pounding, and my vision blurs out detail. Deep breaths....In and out...phew...I made it to the top. The only thing in view as my eyes adjust is the starry night sky. I've always been a little interested in astrology. Learning all the different constellations, and hearing the stories behind them. From my view, I can make out Ursa Major, and the famous big dipper. How did ancient civilizations keep track of all those stars? Was there just some guy that stared at a specific spot to see if stars moved? And did they ever confuse one clump of stars for another? ....Oh, but I'm not here for star gazing. I'm here for...uh....what am I here for? I saw this watertower and decided to climb it for funsies, but now that I'm here, I'm not quite sure what to do. Well for starters, I could get off the filthy floor. I pull myself up, wiping away the grime from my clothes. Looking up reveals my eyes to a sight I never could have imagined. From the top of the water tower everything in the state felt visible. I could see the glowing street lights and buildings from main street, I could see over the miles of pine forest along my path, hiding rivers, animals, and god knows whatever else. The wheat fields look like golden lakes, the straws of hay moving like waves in the wind. The whole town, the whole world, felt so contrasting against the deep blue of space. Now, I could finally see some movement in this lonely night. Few cars were driving on the empty streets, their small colorful bodies contrasting against the gray of the road. My fear of heights had suddenly vanished. It makes me wonder, why would somebody be out this late? Maybe they just came from the airport, and are driving to a relative's house for the holidays. Perhaps a drunkard felt guilt for staying out so late, and is now riding a taxi in shame. Or maybe they're just like me, looking for stupid shit to do in the middle of the night. The air up here was freezing cold, but worth it. It took me a while to realize the big fat grin plastered on my face, simply from looking out onto this beautiful winter night. I can't help but also think about how far this town has come. Seeing the area I was raised in from such a high up angle made me feel like a drone. I guess I did heal my inner child. I don't think I ever want to leave this place. Maybe that's why the homeless guy didn't want to come down. I could watch this view forever. ..... .......... .....actually nah, this cold is really bothering me now. Before I head back down, I take a few photos of the gorgeous scenery. I doubt I'll ever get another chance to climb up here again. Such a shame we live in a flat town, this is probably the highest structure for miles. The trip back down was still somewhat scary, but a lot less than before. It's like I suddenly gained the experience of a mountain climber, stepping down as if I've climbed this ladder a million times before. The steps were still cold as hell, but hands were already numb from all the cold anyway. Besides, I like my hands numb cold. Feels nice when they slowly begin to heat up again. The walk back home was nicer still, at least I didn't have to grab onto cold metal bars anymore. People should have more fun like this. Sneaking out, going to places they've never seen, all under the blanket of the night. And specifically at night too. Being out here at this time makes everything feel so solemn. As if time stopped. By now it must have been 4 A.M., the most peculiar hour of the day. Far too late to be out, but way too early to wake up. The whole world is asleep, making time feel like it stops for just a moment. There's simply no other time like it. By the time I reached home, my legs were giving out. My fat grin had turned into huffs and pants. My clothes were drenched in sweat and dirt. I walk across the wet grass and crawl back into my window. I immidiently throw everything off, grab a towel, and head off to the shower, Even if I have no energy left, [[I'm not going to bed sweaty.]]

The hiss of the faucet awakens my ears, warm water rapidly heats up my body. My hands go from freezing cold to scalding hot. My messy hair begins to give out as the water dampens it down. Hot showers are the best thing since sliced bread. I'm not in there for long though. The effect of the redbulls I drank earlier were starting to wane. The steam and heat of the water pulls me in and out of consciousness; I only manage to rub and rinse some soap onto my skin. Before I nearly pass out, I turn the rusting metal faucet off and climb out of the shower, the cold breeze waking me up a little. As I pat my body down with a soft towel, I catch someone's reflection in the mirror. Wait...that's my reflection. ..... I drop the towel on the floor, and slowly approach the mirror, a hand gravitating towards my face, my mouth wide open. When did I become so frail? I looked like pure skin and bones. My hips and ribcage were visible, as if a skeleton was planning to burst out of my body. My hand slowly runs down my body. No wonder I felt so sick when I reached the top of that tower, my body is hanging on by a thread... It makes me feel a little guilty too. I thought that I was just fine, that I was lucky actually, because at least I didn't have issues with being overweight. But seeing how little my body is working with, just makes me dissappointed. I really should take better care of myself. Maybe that's why I was so driven to climb that tower, My body was begging for some kind of movement. I sigh and return back to cleaning myself up. I quickly return back to my room, whip on my pajamas, And crash right into my cold, crispy bed. Let's see what I can change tomorrow. [[Ending 6]]

<h3>Ending 6, Go out more!</h3> Climbing that tower really did inspire me to work on my body more. I can't help but smile at how stupidly simple it was. I mean, *of course* I'll feel better once I start eating healthier amd moving more. But as we all know, humans suck at realizing simple things. (link:"Back to start.")[(goto:"Untitled Passage")]